Ministry Is Not What I Thought

min·is·try  (mn-str)

n. pl. min·is·tries

a. The act of serving; ministration.

b. One that serves as a means; an instrumentality.

 

  When I think of Ministry I think of going to Seminary for 4 years, I think of out of my league, I think it's nice to serve on a team where someone else tells me what to do.  What I don't think is, is that I personally have my own Ministries. That God would ever use me so significantly because I would probably mess it up. After all I have no training, no formal education on how to be a Minister- Ministry leader.  So when a very kind women {Robin} told me that my two most important Ministries are my Husband #1 and my Daughter #2, you could of pushed me over with a feather. For lack of better words I was dumbfounded!  I have never heard this or even considered the fact that I minister to them.  I don't know why, I just never have.

  My husband is not saved.  Which proves very difficult when trying to raise a child with Christ-like teachings.  There is a reason the bible says "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV.

                                                                                                                                                                              

Picture from/christianity201.wordpress.com/

Real quick side note, what do you think of when you hear yoked, I always thought of EGGS and I never could quite understand what an EGG had to do with Christianity.

<---- But this is a yoke                                          

Do you see how the two ox are held together, that is a yoke.

When you are "yoked together" with someone who doesn't believe as you and you are trying to go in separate directions in life, it doesn't lighten the load, it makes it load quite harder to pull. 

 

 

 

 Robin shared with me this passage of  scripture "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. " 1Peter 3:1-2 NASB.  And that is my deepest desire, That my husband decides to Accept Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior! 

  So... Here's the tough part, I have to make a bunch of changes in who I am and how I behave in order to fulfill this role just in regards to my husband. But I am up for the pruning!

 

Dear God, Please take away all of the parts of me that keep me from being who you made me to be. Please God give me the Wisdom and Strength it is going to take to become the Wife Ernie Needs and DESERVES. God Please bless this Ministry you have placed in my life. I pray that I do not fail You or Ernie. Please Guide my actions and attitudes.  Thank You for the opportunity to work in your Kingdom.

In Jesus Name I Pray,

AMEN

 

 

I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.

Philippians 4:13 KJV

 

Missing Something

My Pastor has been preaching a series called Missing Something. It has been a series that really makes you reflect. I stopped today to remember who I was before I surrendered to Christ. I wasn't a good person, I lied, stole, and cheated my way though life.  I had been neglected and abused in some way my whole life.  After I learned who I was in Christ I started demanding better for myself, I prayed for God to deliver me from the hands of the people who were, at the age of 24, still abusing me. I am not the same abused and broken girl I once was then, but I still have deep wounds that only time and God can heal.
  Pastor Ralph's teachings have been about having The Joy of the Lord, Being Humble, Having Confidence, and Perseverance and Focus.
     The Joy of The Lord; When you think about JOY, you think overwhelming happiness. But the Joy that you have, learn to have, when you are a Child of God, is more of a confidence. It's KNOWING who God is and KNOWING that he uses everything in your life for GOOD.
       Being Humble; A humble person is someone who is grateful and doesn't think too highly of themselves, but for me I believe it is more than that. Being Humble is more for me about Mercy and Grace and well as Gratitude and Honor.
        Confidence isn't about a good self-esteem and who You are ALONE, but about Knowing Who God says you are and Knowing who He is and KNOWING He always does what He says.
         Perseverance and Focus; Well I think this is the simplest of concepts but the hardest in application, well at first and sometimes in the middle and at the end as well.  Keeping your Focus on God when your "world" is crumbling around you. But that's the thing, your world isn't crumbling!  The Enemy whispers those lies trying to get you to take your eyes off of Jesus, forgetting the very important fact that God works EVERYTHING in your life for GOOD. Staying to Fight each Battle to be able to WIN the WAR!!
   When the scars start to open, I need to stay focused on the One Who Saved ME!! The One who cut the chains that bound me to a life of abuse. My Daddy is God and my Big Brother is the Big Bad Jesus him self, and with them being for me, Who can successfully stand against me!

Thank You Pastor Ralph Morris for being obedient to God!

It's Not Fair

I have been doing great, not much on the grief scale lately. Earlier this week I dreamed about Christopher, which was great!! I look forward to the nights when God allows me to spend time with my son. Today though, the simple act of folding a clean blanket brought me to my knees. Now this is no ordinary blanket, it is a Quilt made from Christopher's old t-shirts.  I have decided today that is not fair that God took my son away from me. I wasn't a great mom, someday I wasn't even a good mom but his mom I was. I have been looking forward to all the things mom's get to do with and for their kids, like teaching them to drive, prom, getting their first car, graduating, college, getting married, having children. I was so close to seeing who he would become. What choices he would make regarding his life. The last choice he made regarding his life was to end his life. I wish I could have stopped him, I wish I knew what was in his heart, I wish I knew then what I know now regarding men and how they think, what makes them tick. I didn't know I was going about it all wrong. Right now my pain is so thick that I want to say that God's love doesn't matter, I was just listening to a song that said that no mater whats going on you are not alone and that God cares and loves you and he is always there for you. But sometimes. the pain is so real, so strong, so thick that nothing else matters and the fact that someone loves you, the very someone who could end your pain but won't, hurts you. I know that in 10 mins, an hour, or a day I will feel differently. But today, its not fair that my fourteen year old son killed him self while there are 1000's of women are killing their unborn children or abusing their children or could give a care less if they were alive. I wanted my son, I still want my son alive. He was my reason for living, he was my reason for not using drugs, he saved me from my self when I was 17 year old. I miss my boy. In 3 months he would have turned 16. I miss my boy.  I love you kid! I'll see you on the flip side, until then, ALL MY LOVE!!!

Side note: I love and trust in GOD! He is amazing is all he does, I know that Christopher's time was up and he served his purpose here on earth. This is just an honest account of a grieving mother's head space at this very moment in time.

April Challenges Day 3 (and 2 oops)

Well its day 3 and I'm going to be real, the cleaning challenge has been just that a challenge for me. I use my job as Pharmacy Tech as a good excuse not to get up and do it. At the end of my day I am so exhausted from the mental stress (and physical) I go through that I can reason my way out anything. I am going to do today's challenge tonight and then the first and third tomorrow because I do not go into work until the afternoon.
  The being active is easier for me. Yesterday I walked Jena to school, Ernie was going to give her a ride but I chose to walk with her instead. Today my day was very busy so I didn't get to actually do any particular exercise. Working in a pharmacy though can be a very active job, and I did the most active job today to ensure I got some kind of activity in today and I also walk a couple laps around the inside of Walmart shopping with my husband after work.
  Theses challenges have been eye opening to me only 3 days into it and I am having trouble. I have not yet decided to make either of these,  priorities,  in my life. That is evident in my weight and in my very messy house.

Ok, so Day 2's Challenge is:

Set the timer for 20 minutes and put toilet cleaner in each of the toilet bowls and let it soak.

Remove any items that don’t belong in the bathroom, put away items that need to be put away in the bathroom, empty the trash.

Spray and wipe down the sink and tub.

Finish swishing and cleaning the toilet.

Shake the rugs outside (or throw them in the laundry) and mop or vacuum the floors.

Wipe down the outside of the cupboards and clean the mirror.

You’re done!

 Day 3's Challenge is: 

Set the timer for 20 minutes and pick up and put away all items that are out of place. (Bonus: find 7 items to get rid of.)

Pull out any items under the bed that don’t below under the bed and make the bed (wash sheets/bedding, if needed).

Vacuum/sweep the room. (Bonus: use an attachment on the vacuum to vacuum around the baseboards and vacuum under the bed.)

Clean fingerprints on the windows.

Bonus: Spot-clean the carpets and walls.

You’re done!

I will let you know how things go tomorrow!

April Challenges

 So a couple of my friends have challenged me this month and well I can find really good reasons to take them up on the challenges. Tara Costa a former Winner of The Biggest Looser has issued a challenge to be active everyday this month . Being active doesn't have to be boring or painful, it can and for me FUN. Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom has issued the 30 day house cleaning challenge. She will give a chore to do the night before and then check in in the morning and evening. I will be giving updates in the evenings and listing her challenge in the evening. 
My updates for April 1, 2013
 Today was Jena's last day of spring break (she only gets 2 days) and Ernie and I wanted to make sure she had a great day so we took her to a park and then on to Kaleidoscope. The park we stopped at was a spur of the moment idea, and I am so glad I suggested going to it. We went to the Wyandotte County Lake Playground in Kansas City, Ks. This is the same playground that I went to when I was little and I took Christopher there as well when he was little, but since Jena has always lived in Missouri we have never taken her to this park. The playground has had so many improvements over the years and we had so much fun running from one end to the other playing and sliding and trying to keep our balance.  After we left Kaleidoscope we went to BK for a super late lunch/ early dinner and while we were sitting there she said "I love being HAPPY"!! Wow just what a mom wants to hear!! I have tried to do stuff with Jena that I think that she would like to do and I have ended up not going well.  It blessed me so much to see her so HAPPY!!
 The Cleaning challenge for the day was to

Set the timer for 15 minutes and pick up and put away everything that’s out of place. Bonus project: Find 7 things to get rid of.

Next, wash the dishes in the kitchen (if there are any), wipe down the counter tops and surfaces in the kitchen.

Finally, vacuum the living room.

So I challenge you to do the same and start tomorrow April 2, 2013. Check in and let me know how you are doing!!